What kind of Facebooker are you?

I have come to the conclusion that there are a few types of Facebookers (it’s my blog, I can make up words if I want to), who use their statuses for a multitude of things.  There’s the Average Joe, Little Miss Sunshine, the Addict, the Spammer, the Player/Hoe Bag, the MIA and the Perpetual Complainer.

The Average Joe – This is where I think I fit (and feel free to tell me if you think I’m wrong), it’s probably you and most of the people on your friend list.  The Average Joe likes to update their status about once a day, sometimes more sometimes less.  They talk about life, their family, TV/media etc and the weird lady in the grocery store who smacked them on the rear (happened).  The Average Joe is both positive and negative, allowing the odd bad day to affect their updates/comments but generally is happy and pleasant.  They don’t send out copious gaming requests and it is apparent that they still know how to live life beyond the walls of FB.

Little Miss Sunshine – makes you want to gag.  She/he’s happy ALL of the time, about things that are completely unhappy eg. “My kid just peed in my face, but that’s AWESOME because now I have a reason to wash it again with that soap that smells like unicorns and rainbows!”.  You want to love the eternal optimism but sometimes it seriously makes you want to scream (and fling poo at them.  Find something positive about THAT!).

The Addict – You know the addict (maybe, sometimes when I’m bored/lonely/can’t sleep I border on this but it’s quickly extinguished!) they are always online, they update their status 85 times an hour, they comment on everything and when you actually speak to them in person you notice two things: 1. Their fingers are constantly twitching as if typing everything they’re saying and 2. They start every sentence with “Well, when I was on Facebook…”

The Spammer: You know the spammer, they’re the one who has absolutely no life.  They live in a dark basement somewhere surrounded by approximately 400 cats (give or take a dozen), drinking Red Bull and eating Twinkies that were to expire in 2004 (but we all know they never really go bad, thankyouverymuch chemical overload).  They hack your password, annoy your friends and put videos of lady parts on your home page.  We loath these guys, we hope their computer gets a virus and the Twinkies really did go bad…

The Player/Hoe Bag – These are the people who hunt Facebook looking for a booty call (this is not to be mistaken for those who search for “real love”, they’re a whole ‘nother breed), they may be your husband’s ex (yes, she did and he laughed – delete), or a dude you went to school with or the random “friend request” from someone you don’t know at all, who’s photo looks a little like it was scanned out of a magazine.  They are trouble, and should you accept their request you’re going to be finding yourself in a whole bunch of it quickly.

The MIA – This would be Corey.  You know it’s usually the spouse/partner of an Average Joe, who wants to keep up on the world but can’t be bothered to actually check their Facebook.  They either let said spouse check Facebook for them and wait for a weekly report (yes I do) or they ignore it all together and keep asking you “Why is Facebook sending me emails, and what the heck is Farmville?!”  They are harmless and prime targets for the spammer.

The Perpetual Complainer – Of all the different types of Facebookers, these are the ones who frustrate me the most.  They use Facebook on a daily basis, much like the Average Joe but nothing, absolutely nothing they say is positive.  Their glass is not only half empty, it has spit in it and possibly a bug, but they can’t be sure because there is a dark cloud shadowing their vision.  Even if someone comments on a downer status with a positive they find a negative response and basically they appear as though they are always wallowing in self-pity.  I find this type of Facebooker so annoying because life can’t always be bad, it really can’t. (I totally did a status about this earlier this week, asking people to share the good and it was so refreshing to hear the “happy” in people’s day)  We all have bad days and you’re totally entitled to complain about it from time to time, but if you truly can’t find the silver lining in there at all my heart breaks for you.  There is always good to see (we do our best every day to teach our girls to find the good in whatever they do) sometimes you just need to look a little deeper.  And complainers be warned, I will only placate you for so long and then one day you’re going to be complaining that the sunshine is just too perfect to be enjoyed and you’re going to get a great big “SUCK IT UP” comment from me.

So, What kind of Facebooker are you?

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