Perfect – Changing the Voices in my Head

Driving down the road the other day a song came on the radio that totally and completely sucked the breath right out of me.  Now, we all know that I’m an emotional being (I am both compassionate and stubborn, I cry when I’m sad, happy and angry – tears come before throwing things) and that me being moved by a song isn’t unusual.  But this song wasn’t just the usual “Awww that’s sweet” or if it’s country “Awww, that’s sad” or even the “Awww, remember when…” kind of movement.  It was more the, “Shut up and listen, this is more important than whatever you were thinking.  What I have to say here is going to matter, more than you can imagine” sort of moving.

It was “Perfect” by P!nk (the clean version)

 

As the beat pumped through the speakers of my van (Mommy-mobiles Unite!), I felt chills run down my arms.  I struggle daily with how I feel about myself, I worry on an hourly basis that I’m not good enough, beautiful is something I’ve never truly felt and the feeling that I’m not perfect looms over everthing I do. 

I worry that my girls will grow up feeling less than perfect.  That they’ll let someone feel inferior, like I did.  My closest friend in high school made it her life’s mission to make me feel less, small, unworthy – and she succeeded.   It wasn’t until years later though that I recongized that for what it was, destructive and untrue, but by then the damage had been done.  And I want nothing more for my girls than to make them feel perfect.  To teach them that God’s made them perfect and that no matter what they are beautiful.

But how to I make them believe it when I struggle so hard with that myself?  

It’s a daily battle and one I fight with a vengeance because I want so badly to come to that place where I’m happy with me.  Not just the me on the inside but the me on the outside, whatever she looks like.  So that when my girls look at me, they see strength, confidence and happiness.

This song reminded me so much of the prayer I have for my girls.  That God bolster them, give them courage to be who they are, to stand up for what’s right, to be strong, good, honest women.  That they feel beautiful on the outside AND on the inside, that they are happy with who they are and that they know that they truly are Perfect in His eyes and mine.

It struck such a chord with me that I actually pulled over, grabbed my iphone, flicked on Soundhound (get it, best music app ever), found the song and bought it right then and there. 

And it’s been on my workout playlist ever since.  As I pump away to the end of my workout each day, or walk with our kids, or clean the house (because housework needs serious motivational music) I remind myself that perfect is in the eye of the beholder, that beauty is truly more than what’s on the outside and that I really, just need to change the voices in my head.

Perfect – P!nk Lyrics

Made a wrong turn
Once or twice
Dug my way out
Blood and fire
Bad decisions
That’s all right
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss “no way it’s all good”
It didn’t slow me down
Mistaken
Always second guessing
Underestimated
Look, I’m still around…..

Pretty, pretty please
Don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than
Less than perfect

Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing
You are perfect to me

You’re so mean
When you talk
About yourself
You are wrong
Change the voices
In your head
Make them like you
Instead
So complicated
Look how big you’ll make it
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game
It’s enough
I’ve done all i can think of
Chased down all my demons
see you do the same.
oh, oh

Pretty, pretty please
Don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than
Less than perfect
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing
You are perfect to me

The world stares while i swallow the fear
The only thing i should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in lying and we try, try, try
But we try too hard, it’s a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they’re everywhere
They don’t like me jeans
They don’t get my hair
Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that?
Why do I do that?
Why do I do that?

Ooh, Pretty pretty please don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less then, less than perfect
Pretty pretty please if you ever ever feel
Like you’re nothing you are perfect, to me

 

2 thoughts on “Perfect – Changing the Voices in my Head

  1. That is one of my favourite songs and I already sing it to Addison. Thank you for sharing your heart with everyone who reads your blog.

  2. My dearest my beautiful “little girl” who has grown up to be a beautiful Woman, Wife and Mother.
    Ashley, I am sorry if I have done something or somethings to make you beleive that you are less than perfect as who you are, how you look and who you have become. There has NEVER been a day in my life as your mother that I have thought of you any less than the perfect gift that God has given me to love and cherish and girl…oh my gawsh I love and cherish you. Your heart for your girls and who they are and your unending love for them is a treasure to me. I see in your eyes the love you have for them. They will cling to that when the world tries to make them feel less. On the days they make mistakes and are misunderstood they will know they can always be in your arms where they are loved. I pray Ashley that God will help remove the pain in your heart and mind and let you see how truly beautiful you are, outside and inside. Take the step to stand in front of the mirror….look into that mirror and loudly tell yourself….you are beautiful ..you are who you are and in being you, you are perfect. Perfect in the eyes of a loving Saviour and always perfect in the eyes of your Mom. Let my love for you Ashley give you the courage to do that as you ask your girls to do the same thing. You are a blessing to me Sweetheart… always have been and always will be. I love you with my every breath.

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