Warning Label Required!

There have been many times over the past few years where I’ve thought, “Geez, these kids should have come with warning labels”.  Not to mention a manual.  As we have muddled our way along this road called parenthood, I’ve discovered all sorts of things I thought I knew but didn’t.

I learned that carrots, hot dogs and bananas (like 1/4 cup of mushed up banana in a mouth) are actually dangerous hazards covered with a good tasting exterior.  I’ve also learned that rocks, lady bugs and fuzzy candies are actually delicious looking treats to 2 year olds not things to be thrown – they’ve learned that’s not true at all.

But the past few weeks I think I’ve come to a conclusion on the warning label that definitely should have been attached to a toe when these little people emerged into the world….

“WARNING: This object contains the ability to produce dangerous decibels of noise.  At times the sheer sound of their joy can cause brain damage and their shrieks of displeasure will threaten to rupture your eardrums.  Ear protection is advised.  Actually ear protection’s not going to cut it – find a sound proof padded room and lock yourself within.”

Or something like that.

When Bethany was a newborn, I thought she cried loud, I had no idea how wrong I was.  When Bethany was a toddler I thought, “Oh!  This is loud”, both when she cried and played.  I was still in utter and complete ignorance.  When Audrey came along and joined the mix of crying beings (I swear those first few months they both cried, together, often) I thought, “Now I’ve reached the pivotal point of noise” – again, WRONG.

Now, here we are, they are both not babies any more.  They are both happy most of the time.  They have words, vocabularies even and the ability to speak what they think.  The noise should be over right?


They are louder now, when they play, when they cry, when they chew*!

When they are happy together playing it’s loud.  When Bethany is singing her heart out it’s loud.  When they’re fighting it’s LOUD and when they are crying it’s a word bigger than LOUD that I don’t even know!

Overall, unless they are sleeping this house is loud.

Some days, I. Can’t. Take. It!

It makes my head hurt, frustrations mount and causes me to dream of places like a padded room with Starbucks room service, where the couches are comfy, the people are mute, and I don’t have to listen to anything!

Don’t get me wrong, I love to hear my girls.  I love knowing they are happy and playing, I’m happy to snuggle them when they’ve fallen and got hurt, and I understand that tattle tailing is eventually going to go away (right?!).

But couldn’t they do it at a normal level?  Couldn’t they just speak, sing, talk, play, whine, cry and fight in a decibel that doesn’t warrant a visit to the doctor for bleeding ears?

I mean, we make our employees see “The Ear Man” once very 2 years (because it’s Federal law, that due to the noise level of their construction jobs we check their hearing), they wear ear protection and have to be mindful of what they are exposed to.

But Mommies, we’re just supposed to suck it up and go deaf?!  That or else lose our minds completely.

Somebody please tell me this gets better.  Somebody remind me that when they’re grown and away from home I’ll miss the sound of my babies playing.

Because seriously, today, I’m ready to put a “Do No Disturb” sign on my forehead and check out.

* We are in the process of teaching Audrey to chew with her mouth closed.  The sound of someone chewing with their mouth open tops my list of things that make my chest hurt with anxiety and frustration at a dinner table (I’m almost not exaggerating.  Almost).  It’s that and the need to raise polite little girls (unlike a friend my brother had as a kid) who chew with their mouths closed that has us working on it.  The thing is, for her it’s hard to learn.  I get frustrated and she just giggles and it’s not going well.  It’s a struggle we didn’t face with B and one that is threatening my sanity at the moment.  If you have any tips, Please PLEASE share them!*


5 thoughts on “Warning Label Required!

  1. Oops what i meant to say was that you used to chew the food like each morsel was the best and you wanted to share that sound of enjoyment with the world and you don't do that now. You now chew like a lady 🙂 Just to clarify lol

  2. TRUST ME ON THIS….. you will come to a day when your house is too quiet and you stand at the door of your childrens rooms with tears pouring down your face. You will long for the little things you have to step over, crawl around, or jump to the side of. The noises that you hear now are ones that mean they are healthy and happy. Teaching balance is of course your job, and Ashley I believe you guys are doing a great job at it. Just remember Sweet Daughter there was a day when I would stand outside your closed door and listen to you singing at the top of your voice. Or stand around the corner and watch you and Dustin roll all over the floor, toys and other things laughing and carrying on. Then I would hear you both saying…. “I love you” to each other. Those things tug at my heart in just remembering. Audrey will learn to chew with her mouth closed in time. Yes that sound drives your Mom nuts and your Pa… (you get it by inheritance…sorry no money)…. but you used to chew like each morsel of food was the best.. and ya don’t do it now. lol.
    Sometimes in the office when the stresses are high, and the paper is higher, the phone is ringing, Dad comes in and asks questions and then I make a BIG mistake the sound of the girls as loud as they are is refreshing to my soul. There sweet little mommy voices, and loud songs to Jesus fill my heart. Yea sometimes I have to step into a quiet room when I am on the phone, but never, ever, ever do I wish for complete silence or a defining quiet because I remember you and Dustin growing and leaving home. It happens fast … Trust me!

  3. I instituted a rule when #3 was born – Only one child is allowed to cry at a time! When the baby was crying and the two year old started to whine/cry about something I’d remind them of the rule and surprisingly, she’d stop, most of the time. 🙂

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