This was my Facebook Status yesterday:
WARNING this status is me whining. Read at your own risk – I have flashing lights in my eyes they can’t make go away for a few weeks, a major sinus infection and I’m back in the drs office for the 3rd time in 2 days. We still don’t have answers for Audrey and I’m about read to throw a flaming pile of dog poo at January. There isn’t even enough Starbucks to fix this. The end
It pretty much sums up how I’m feeling these days. January has felt long and arduous and toxic. Good things have happened this month, horrible things haven’t but it has still felt hard. Each day has felt increasingly ugly and my mood has carried right along with it.
We still don’t have answers for what’s happening with Audrey. I know they are working on it, I know that we have an appointment as well as a renal ultrasound scheduled for February and I know that God is in control. It’s just that none of those things are pacifying me right now. I don’t know what’s wrong, I don’t know how worried we really have to be about germs and infection, I don’t know if there is something serious going on or if it’s nothing to worry about, I don’t know what the doctors are going to say, and I don’t know what our future holds. For someone with a Type A, intense need to control every situation that is torture.
Then 2 weeks ago I started seeing a flashing light in my right eye. It’s in the upper left corner of my right eye and looks similar to the static of a TV, it’s there all the time and it’s driving me NUTS! While it’s not directly in my line of vision the flashing is seriously distracting when it comes to trying to read a book or work on the computer (hence the low blog post numbers). I initially thought that it may have been some sort of stress induced migraine because there’s been mountains of stress flying around but it’s consistent nature made that impossible. I saw the optometrist and then yesterday the opthamologist to rule out a retinal tear, because that would classify its self as horrible. It’s not (see a good thing), but it is the gel on my eye pulling, something that happens to everyone, it’s just pulling quite hard. This pulling is what causes those tiny little black floaters everyone sees from time to time, it’s a natural function of the body. However, if it continues to pull, like mine is it can cause a retinal tear and that means surgery and loss of vision.
They can’t do a darned thing to stop it and fortunately only 3% of people with my symptoms ever have to face a retinal tear. All the doctors can say is I need to wait it out and it should go away in 3 to 6 weeks. Awesome. Until then I have to deal with focus problems, little reading and the tired, sore eyes at the end of each day.
Then, if that weren’t enough I developed I sinus infection. I felt it coming on a week ago and just prayed it was seasonal allergies or something. It’s not. The pressure in my face is intense, my orbital bones are aching, I keep dripping snot out the front and swallowing it down the back (you’re welcome) and I have a perma-headache. I finally bit the bullet and hit the walk-in clinic, saw Dr. Script (because he’s RX happy) and have 21 day ( 21 DAYS!) of antibiotics to make it better. I can’t wait for the 21st day.
I’m whining, I know it. There will always be more good than bad in life, I know that too. Sometimes though, it’s hard to remember. This month has been hard, on top of all the unpleasantries we’ve had lots of birthdays too. I like to celebrate the kids birthdays, I love to throw them parties and fill our house with tons of people and make special things this year, due to the Audrey Germ Prevention act of 2012 I couldn’t do that.
I’ve cried a lot this month. I’ve raged, I’ve got frustrated and I’ve exercised harder than I probably ever have before to burn that negative energy off somehow. This month has kicked me in the head and I’m so glad it’s over because…
January 2012, you are dead to me.