I heard a song this past weekend that I can’t believe I’ve never heard. I thought it was just a “fluke” when I stumbled across it on iTunes, but as I listened to the lyrics and tears filled my eyes I don’t think it was a fluke at all. Nothing ever is really, is it?
As the words of “Bless the Broken Road” filled the living room, I was overwhelmed with the journey it took to bring Corey and I together. Memories of the road I travelled before our roads crossed flashed through my mind, it was such a long time ago and such a long road.
“Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That lead me straight to you “
The teenage years spent alone on Friday nights, believing with a certainty that was unshakable then that I would spend my life alone came to mind. The tears I cried, the countless times I asked my Mom “Will anyone ever love me?” and the hours she spent on her knees praying for the man she knew God was preparing. I had no idea then, as I lay in my bed begging God for love that His answer wasn’t going to be “No” it was simply, “Wait”.
I drifted forward in time to the men I did date. The ones I so desperately wanted to love me and the ones that convinced me that if I was someone else they would. I remember with the sadness of mistakes past, the choices I made in those years I wish I could take back, the things I wish I’d kept to myself just a little longer.
And then I landed in the 2 years before we met, to a time when there was a man in my life. One I thought I may have married in spite of the fact that I spent more hours crying over the pain that relationship caused than I ever did laughing. To the nights where I’d lay awake begging God for something more, listing off the “if onlys” and dreaming of who I really wanted to love me. I wasn’t really walking by His side back then, it’s too hard to ignore your sins when your holding the hand of your Father, so I chose to step away. Little did I know, He just kept walking softly at my side, wiping my tears.
As I played the song over and over, Corey who’d been outside with the girls came to the door. One look in his eyes and my tears fell – I had forgotten how grateful I am for who he is. How unbelievably thankful I am that my Mom prayed all those many nights, that God walked by my side and that as He walked by mine, He walked by Corey’s too.
It’s so easy to get consumed with our every day stuff, to let the stresses seep in between you and to let Satan point out each others faults, in an attempt to hide the goodness, to break the Godliness. Last week Satan was winning, and I wasn’t even trying.
Then I heard the words of that song, I looked into the eyes of the man who is more than I ever dreamed of, and it all came to a stop. I no longer heard the voice of my enemy, but that of my Father and it was loud and clear. This is the Man I prayed for all those years ago, this is the man who loves me more than I ever dreamed I could be loved, this is the man I love back with the same fierceness and for all that I am so thankful.
Corey just smiled at my tears, hugged me tight – waiting till I let go first and then carried on. As I watched him swing Audrey up in his arms and chase Bethany around the yard I realized, God didn’t just bless the broken roads of our past, He guided them straight on to our future.