The pursuit of S* and the Label of F*

by Ashley on April 10, 2013

in Fitness & Exercise, Soap box


Words are powerful things.  The right words can lift a spirit, fill a heart or cause laughter to overflow.  The wrong words can cripple a soul, defeat a character or shatter a dream.

The words that we say leave an impact that is lasting, bruises heal, kisses fade and time will pass but words, once spoken can’t ever be erased.  Our “word” is our promise, it’s our guarantee – it’s the most powerful extension of ourselves we can offer another.

I say often to our girls is they need to remember you can’t take back the words that come out of your mouth.  There is no magic rewind button, you can’t go back in time or slurp them back up through a straw.  Once you’ve said it, there’s no turning back, it can’t be undone, or washed away – it’s out there, forever.   So be careful what you say, think before you speak (something I need to remember when I’m upset) and take a deep breath.

Will you be sorry you said it 10 years from now?  10 minutes from now?

Sure, you can say your sorry and it goes light years towards helping to mend broken fences and heal broken hearts but it will never completely erase the damage that was once done.

It’s why I’m so careful about how we talk about ourselves in this house.  Especially, how I talk about my body, my weight and the like in front of our children.  Our daughters.

I struggle with my self esteem.  Hard.  I’ve spent years in a pit of self loathing, about the way I look, the body I have, the boobs I do not have, the acne that’s still around as grey hairs emerge and the list goes on.

I have spent the last 3 years making leaps and bounds in my pursuit of health, fitness, weight loss and confidence.   I’ve achieved so many of those things and while on one hand I’m proud of them, on the other I feel no better, no different than I did 3 years and 65+lbs ago.  It’s my battle, it’s deep and it’s hard.

The voices in my head tell me I’m “Fat” on a daily basis, and I choose to ignore them (most days).  They tell me I’ll never achieve “Skinny” and I use a strong upper cut to shut them up.  We don’t say those words in this house**.

Those, in our home are the F* and the S* word, they fall under swear words, because they’re purpose is and meaning is just as bad.  They are hurtful, destructive and painful words.  Ones that the world says to beat people down, to break their hearts and to damage their self esteem.

I don’t exercise every morning to get “Skinny”, I do it to be healthy and I tell our girls that.  We don’t eat healthy and limit/avoid junk to not get “Fat”, we do it to give our bodies the fuel they need and the energy they understand.

My goal for myself and for our family is to teach them about health, fitness and good choices.  I desperately want them to know that eating healthy and being active feels good, it’s not just a means to an end for weight-loss but rather the simple basis for truly living.

We only get one body, we only get one chance and I want, I NEED to know that I’ve done my best to each them that those things are gifts we need to embrace.

A healthy body is fit, takes in good foods and knows what to do with them.  It’s powerful, and strong and it’s waiting for it’s chance to show us what it can do!

As I listen to people around me talk, the way they talk about themselves, their spouses, their children and others, my heart breaks.

Please don’t use those words, don’t say those things, don’t cause that hurt.   Your children are listening, and so is your heart and I know that you all are worth more than the pursuit of S* and the label of F*.


** Battling these words, in my mind is a daily, hourly battle for me, one I’ll one day win.  Please know there’s no judgement here**