For the past 3 months I’ve been feeling rather, off.  I am struggling with serious dizziness, exhaustion, “brain fog”, heavy limbs, more bruising (I’ve always been a “peach” when it comes to easy bruising), heart palpitations, I feel like I’m breathing through a filter and severely low blood pressure/pulse.

Pretty much it has sucked.

I spent a month thinking that maybe it was just busy days, with school coming to a close, a million and 10 things to get done, and what sometimes feels like very little time to sleep – it seemed like logic that my body would suffer.  The thing is, it wasn’t.  I tried “toughing it out” (I’m tough after all), I tried adding more protein to my diet, working out more, working out less, sleeping more, letting a little housework slide – none of it helped. 

Finally after 2 months of struggling and with maybe a whole heck of a lot teeny bit of prodding from my Mom and Corey, I called the doctor.

He listened to my story, he took my vitals – confirming what I already knew I have low blood pressure (90/70 lying down, 80/60 standing up – which would explain the weird white lights I see each time I stand), pulse rate – too low even for someone who’s an athlete, other symptoms unexplained but concerning none the less.

Initially he thought maybe the problem was my restricted diet.  Having a corn allergy can make for some serious dietary restrictions and sometimes there are nutrients I struggle to get in.  We ran blood work and waited for the results, thinking the majority of the problem would be nutritional.

Turns out, that wasn’t the problem at least not totally.  All my CBC looked good, no sign of anemia, no sign of muscle breakdown from over exercising (I didn’t think there would be but gotta check), good iron, calcium, protein and the like, my vitamin B12 is plummeting to incredibly low levels but other than that – all looked ok.

He gave me a B12 shot which helped slightly with the numbness in my feet & hands, and with some of the brain fog but that’s about it.  We were both hoping it would be a “cure-all”.

The problem is, I’m still feeling awful and it’s making me mad.  I work SO hard to eat (and feed my family) as healthful as possible, I workout, we keep active, I follow all the “rules”.  I should be feeling like this.

Don’t get me wrong, I can manage my days – I still get my chores done, my baking done and keep a smile on, enjoying our girls but some days it takes more effort than it used to.  Mornings are better than afternoons, oddly enough my AM workout is the only time the world isn’t spinning for me.  The doc chalks that up to the fact that I’m forcing my heart to work harder, bringing my BP up for a little while.  All that aside, I’m struggling.

I’ve been for an ECG and two weeks ago I had an Eco-cardiogram (a fancy ultrasound) of my heart and now I’m waiting on results.  You see, I have a condition called Dextrocardia – in laymen’s terms means my heart is on the right hand side of my body and for me is rotated 3/4 to the back.  I have to this point lead a healthy life, the doctors told my mom when I was 8 months old my heart was fine and that I could be an Olympic swimmer if I wanted to be.  Nothing has ever happened that would suggest otherwise.

For all we know now, that remains the same and my heart is healthy, but my mind keeps whispering “what if it’s not”?

I don’t mean to be mellow-dramatic and chances are all is well with my “ticker” and all these weird symptoms have another cause.  I certainly didn’t start this blog to be a place to whine about things,  it’s just this place of “what-if” that leaves me feeling a little overwhelmed and I needed to vent.

I’m sure answers will come or maybe they won’t but I won’t feel like this forever, it will get better.  If our journey with Audrey has taught me nothing else, it’s to trust that God is in control and answer or not, something will happen.  I’m just praying that “something” happens sooner rather than later, because this is kinda putting a damper on our summer.

Anyone else ever feel like this?  Tell me it was nothing and the solution was a chocolate bar a day, that would be about perfect!

2 thoughts on “Spinning

  1. Oh, Ashley, I had no idea you have been feeling so rough. From the outside looking in, you have energy coming out the wazoo: you are a loving, diligent and present mother who bakes everything from scratch, you get up at the crack of dawn to work out, your house is immaculate and you juggle a job as well. I bow to you! But, I'm sorry things have felt like such a grind lately. I hope you find some answers and feel more like yourself soon. I know for me, stress really affects my body and the way it handles life, and I wonder if all you have been through with Audrey has contributed to your "command centre"…the fight or flight centre where you process stress? I am not an expert by any means, but I know of a few people who have had luck with a naturopath, someone who is ready to explore the root of the issue and not just treat the symptoms. I wish you well and hope that your good health returns soon.
    Amanda recently posted..No, YOU Sit Down!

  2. I am so sorry to hear that you have been feeling this way Ashley! I will be praying for healing and for true peace & rest for you.

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