I had the rare opportunity the other day to have the house to myself for a few hours. Corey & the girls were out, I’d finished running in 82 different directions and decided to push aside the massive guilt cloud and sat down to watch a little TV.
(Side: Am I the only one who has a few hours to herself and ends up filling it with groceries, house work & errands? Please tell me I’m not. I just always feel like I should be doing things that are responsible and I shouldn’t be doing things that are fun.)
Anyways, I was watching a very grown up show (OK, let’s be honest….I watched 90210 because I’m cool like that.) (Also because HELLO 90’s I MISSED YOU!) with the intention of letting my over working brain unwind.
However, not long into things the topic of sex came up.
If you grew up in the 90210 era you know that sex was basically the center of any & all story lines. Each episode seemed to revolve around someone “doing it”, someone else not “doing it”, if they weren’t “doing it” they were talking about it, or the rest of the world was dreaming about which one they’d choose if THEY could, ya know… “do it”. (Oh, yes you did, you know you did, we ALL did!)
As I giggled my way through the innocence of the episode a different reality hit me. No longer am I seeing these characters through they eyes of a teenager, I’m seeing them through the eyes of a mother.
And I had a heart attack.
We haven’t even had the full “sex” talk with our girls yet and all of a sudden I was picturing my future. The talks we are going to have when they are little, the way those talks are going to evolve as they get older and the role those conversations will play in the choices they make.
I know the message I want to send them about sex, about God’s plan for it in their lives (believe it or not, I believe He intends for it to be an excellently, awesome part of their lives. When they are married.), about choosing to wait until they are married and all of the things in between.
I also know the part of those conversations where I have to be real, to be raw and explain that I am not necessarily speaking from a place of example but rather experience and sometimes even a place of regret.
Despite being raised in a Christian home, with supportive parents, and good strong morals, I didn’t always make the right choices (um, hello sin nature). As a young girl I swore I’d wait until marriage, I wore a purity ring and I was sincerely convinced I would wait but I didn’t. Temptation and circumstance bested me and I made choices, more than once to give that part of my body, of my heart to someone who didn’t end up my husband.
I knew the consequences those choices could have in the moment, on me but I had no idea how they would affect my future, as a wife, as a mother.
As the scenes from the show passed by so did my life choices. I really began thinking about how the things I have done, the things that happened in my past will shape my girls’ future. Will they hear those stories and make wiser choices? Will they want to emulate them, ignore them or hide their heads under their pillows? While there is no doubt in my mind that I will be truthful, I do wonder if I’ll have the courage to allow that truth to also come with the emotions that those memories hold.
Our future as parents is filled with unknowns. If having newborns teaches us nothing else it’s that all that we think we know is a fallacy and our best laid plans are actually recipes for disaster.
So, I won’t play the “what if game” because it won’t do me any good. Worrying about it now won’t change anything but I will think about it and pray for all that is to come. I will pray that the words that I say, the conversations we will have will prepare them, protect them and empower them to do what they believe is right.
How do YOU feel about your children, you past and the conversations you’ll have about their futures?