Some people thrive on drama. (I hate the word/phrase “Drama” it feels sooo The Hills meets Jersey Shore, but sometimes there isn’t another word). Some people are dramatic. Some people feed off of chaos, and others fit all three.
I know people like that, in fact I have a few in my life, mixed in with my family and friends are those that seem to be the center of all things chaotic. It drives me crazy.
Now, I’m the first to admit, if I feel that my family has been wronged, that someone is threatening me and mine, or that someone is going to be hurt, I will jump in feet first, ready to throw a punch or 7. I have no problem standing up for what I believe is right, or defending someone I feel is being attacked (it’s harder to defend myself, almost impossible but that’s a story for another day). However, once a situation has played itself out, I’m fully prepared to apologize if it’s necessary (we ALL say things in the heat of the moment we don’t mean), defend myself and/or agree to disagree, because I just want the “drama” of it all to cease. I’m a happier person when everyone is getting along, I don’t thrive on negative attention (while I feel many others do) and I don’t go looking for a “problem” to solve.
I was reading the blog of a friend the other day and she was having an angry moment. Someone in her life was being a jerk, and was causing her grief and while, my friend wanted to agree to disagree the other person wouldn’t let it go. I felt for her, I’ve been there, and so I commented, sharing just as much. The reply I got back, made me smile and reminded me why I think she’s awesome.
You see, she said something I say all the time. “50% of it’s me”. Yes! Not “Yes!” that she’s a trouble maker, but “Yes!” that she’s taking responsibility for her roll. One of the things I say all the time, one of the things I want very much to teach my children is that in EVERY conflict where there are two or more people involved, each participant plays a roll. Whether you are right or wrong, you’re still participating, if you are angry, you could even ,inadvertantly be feeding the fire, take responsibility for it. In my opinion, there are very, VERY few times where anyone involved in an arguement is a victim, so stop playing one.
There is a particular person who likes to rock the boat for us. This person has an MO and without sharing too many details about said boat rocking, it happens each year and drives me MENTAL. One because it’s not neccessary, causing trouble doesn’t change my mind from one year to the next (Note: I’m stubborn, if I say NO I mean No, not even a hundred dollars changes my mind. Ask my mother) and two because it causes me to become angry and sucks me into the same fight each year. The problem is, I’m not wrong, the majority of my family agrees that we (Corey and I ) aren’t wrong, however in that anger, I say things that ARE wrong. And each year I have to apologize for the words that I’ve said that were hurtful, I don’t have to apologize for standing up for what right for us and our family. In case you were wondering, I don’t plan on engaging this year at all, maybe no response is better than one in the heat of the moment.
This post isn’t really about that disagreement, because I don’t want to give it more attention than it already gets, which is too much. We’ve found a solution for now and I’m leaving it alone (so as to not stir the preverbial pot), I brought it up only as an example. I screw up too, I need to take responsiblity for that, I played a part and so I’m taking ownership.
I guess, what I’m saying is if we call a spade a spade, stand up and wave our hand “It was me, I’m sorry.” we shed light on the problem and the chaos is diffused. Nobody likes to think they are wrong, we all are from time to time, and admitting it can, at times be liberating.
So cut the garbage, end the drama, and get rid of the negative attention. Wouldn’t you rather get attention for something positive you’ve done or can say, than for the unrest and unhappiness you bring to those around you? And if it’s not you starting the problem and you know there is no actual solution, seriously consider doing what I’m hoping to be strong enough to do, and just leave it lie and not respond.
Aaaaannnnd, End Rant.