After a very emotional exam by the resident she was so worn out she couldn’t stay awake.

Today we went back to Children’s hospital for appointment 3 of 4 this month.   This past month has been hard, it seems Audrey is back sliding.  The fatigue is back full force and a few times over the past 2 weeks I’ve found her asleep on the floor trying to go out to play with B, or too tired to walk a short distance, the pale/washed out moments have returned along with her tiredness.  She has been complaining of her tummy more again and last night we had an episode that scared me to my core.  Audrey wound up in severe pain wailing and having me ready to pack her up for the emergency,  it came on suddenly with cold sweats, horrible pain and a wail that I can only attribute to these attacks, this is the first one I’ve ever seen this bad or during the day.  Then just before I was ready to leave for the hospital it stopped.  She was exhausted and all of us (my Mom & Dad were over) were left shaken – something is still wrong.

Here’s what came of today:

- We’re happy to report that her EEG was normal – no epilepsy and her ultrasound looked good!

- The doctor’s don’t know what’s wrong with her tummy and don’t know what else to do to check it out.  They warned me today they may never have an answer, I don’t know how I feel about that yet…

- I had to push hard for them to re-run her bloodwork.  We need to know if what we are seeing is happening in her blood, if the abnormalities from January are there or if they are cleared up.  The resident was very hesitant to redo them, not “seeing the point” because we see Bio-Chemical/Metabolic specialists in two weeks but I kept at them.  God was in the moment and I had strength I don’t normally posses, and a few emotional tears but finally he agreed to mention it to the pediatrician

- Dr. F, the pediatrician who really upset me last time (long story) was wonderful, she agreed labs needed to be re-done, she checked Audrey’s urine to be sure no kidney infection and assured me that they both believe us that something is wrong and that she doesn’t think this is my fault (which was implied last time).  I needed to hear that.

- We have ruled out a large majority of the super scary things – amen!  Now we have to dig a little deeper to see if there’s something rare we’re missing.

Now we wait.  We wait for labs, we wait for the next appointment on May 30th and then one on June 18th.   They want us to be careful to keep life normal but not do anything that could cause Audrey excess fatigue, to be careful not to intensify what’s happening.   We still don’t know how we feel about that or what that means exactly.

Something is going on in that body and if I didn’t know it before last night proves to me that something is still wrong with my girl.  So please don’t stop praying!  Thank you all so much for the words of encouragement, the prayers and the support, there is no expressing how much they mean to all of us!

Please keep praying for ultimate healing for her, that if God’s choosing not to heal her that He provide answers, clarity and that the doctors’ ears continue to be open to what we are saying.

There is so much to say, so many emotions to process, so much more that lay ahead and I’ll get to them, but not tonight.  Tonight I’m going to choose to be thankful – nobody told me she was dying today, nobody told us we couldn’t go home, nobody said that I was making her sick and tonight I still get to watch both of my babies asleep in their beds.

I’m choosing to believe this:

“My Father who has given them to me, is greater than ALL; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand.” John 10:29

If my heavenly Father is holding her close than I don’t have anything to fear.

The girls were so happy to be outside that they were happy to oblige and give me a few pictures.  Their inner & outer beauty, along with how quickly they’re growing never ceases to amaze me!

I hope that they can hang onto how much they love and need each other right now, as they grow.

Yesterday was a good day.

I’m embarrassed to admit that I’m not a “Yes” Momma often.  It isn’t that I deprive our girls of having fun, or don’t spend time with them – those things I do, but they happen in the midst of the rest of life.   There are meals to cook, laundry to do, toilets that do not clean themselves (why is that?  Why can’t they be self cleaning, our ovens are) and outside jobs to do.   Then there is the whole I have a job outside of our home, plus online jobs and our days are busy.  It’s important for kids to learn that tasks need to be done, commitments need to be fulfilled and to have chores of their own – of that I am certain.  It’s just sometimes, it feels like I spend more time saying “No don’t do that”, “Please don’t climb on that”, “Don’t push your sister!” and “STOP TALKING FOR 2 SECONDS SO I CAN THINK!”

Sometimes I want to just be the fun Mom.  Sometimes I just want to enjoy our girls, to do the things I dreamed of doing and to spend the time with them that I fully believe they deserve.

Yesterday was one of those days.  We had lunch with Papa at work, we went to the park, we went wander-shopping, we played games, read stories and hung out in the backyard.  I gave in and made them noodle soup with leftover ham for dinner and didn’t give them heck for getting grass in the house.  We laughed and we tickled, they smiled and when I put Audrey to bed last night she gave me a big hug and said – “Thanks for a good day, Momma.  It was one of my bests”

So yesterday nothing much got done, and I didn’t have make-up on when Corey got home and there may have been a big, huge mess in the backyard.  And that’s ok.

There’s plenty of time for my chores, hours upon hours to teach them the life lessons of how to run a house and be proper ladies.  Yesterday I taught them a bigger lesson, yesterday they learned that Mommies do say “yes” and the world won’t end if you don’t make your bed (although I did kinda straighten it when we were up there…couldn’t help myself) and sometimes – girls just gotta have fun!

The fantastic people over at Tropical Traditions heard that I wanted to give coconut oil a try and they sent over a jar of their Gold Label Virgin Coconut Oil for me to try!  I can’t even tell you how excited I was – seriously I can’t, it was that big (it had been a long day).

I’ve heard of all the fantastic uses for coconut oil and I was itching to dive in and give them a whirl myself.  When the parcel arrived last week I was surprised by two things.  First the jar was HUGE and two, the Gold Label Virgin Coconut Oil was a solid, something like vegetable shortening.  I’d never seen coconut oil before and it surprised me.

None the less I headed home, hit the internet for recipes and ideas on how to use it and off I went.  Tropical Traditions has a page on their website for all the different uses for the coconut oil and it was super informative, gotta think outside the box ya know.

Thanks to Tropical Traditions I am basically a rockstar to my husband and Audrey, you see thanks to their Gold Label Virgin Coconut Oil and THIS recipe for health(ier) oreo cookies I made the best cookies in the entire world.  On top of that, it’s the very first time I’ve been able to eat an Orea in 6 years!  Thanks to my corn allergy store bought ones have been off limits and I never thought I’d get the chance to have them again.  WRONG!

I was blow away at how well the coconut oil blended in and how delicious the cream filling was with a teeny hint of coconut.  I also did a batch with a mint flavouring and it easily masked the coconut flavour if that’s something you have an aversion to.

Although I’ve yet to try it, I’m also planning on shaving my legs with the coconut oil and I have a massage bar recipe to try – stay tuned, I have a feeling it’s going to fantastic.

Without a doubt I will be buying Tropical Traditions Gold Label Virgin Coconut Oil again when this runs out, if for nothing more than to supply my husband, daughter and customers with the worlds most fantastic Oreo like cookies!

Want to try Tropical Traditions Gold Label Virgin Coconut Oil for yourself?  Guess what?  You can!  The fantastic people at Tropical Traditions who showed so much love for me are going to show it to you too!   Open to residents of Canada and the United States this contest is perfect for almost everyone.  Just enter on the Rafflecopter form below and wait to see if you win.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Don’t want to wait to win?  Head on over to the Tropical Traditions website to find out how you can purchase your own Gold Label Virgin Coconut Oil.  Then, once you’ve tried it come back and tell me what you think!

Emotionally, today kicked me in the head.  We had more tests with Audrey (we had some on Friday) and there are more appointments/trips to Children’s planned for this month.  Today didn’t go well, not like it usually does and it was hard.

Since it would be really easy for me to vent and rant and list off all the “hards” in today, I’m not going to.  Instead I’m going to find the Grace, the good, the not bad because I’m afraid that if I don’t purposely find the good, I’m not going to want to get up and face tomorrow.

Finding Grace in Small Things…

6. Sunshine: It fixes things.  That’s all.

5. Bethany’s Smile: That little girl can smile and stop me in my tracks.  Even when it’s been a long day, when I’m tired, when I’m done – that little girl can bust out a grin and my heart lightens.

4. No News: When it comes to the tests we’re having right now, “No News is Good News”. Nobody stopped me and said, “No, Audrey’s Mom (because there I don’t have a name) you can’t leave with her”.  Nobody called and said get here fast, and for that I’m very thankful.

3. My Mom: She’s been a rock, a rockstar and a support that I’m exponentially thankful for.  Without her I’d have had to drive in Vancouver (this requires I bring 2 papers bags, one for barf the other for breathing) and I’d have to face these hard days, while Corey is at work, alone.

2. Shadowfeet: Yet another song, carrying me through.  Shadowfeet by Brooke Fraser go listen.

1. God is Bigger: No matter how bad my day is, no matter how big your problem is, no matter how “small” a situation makes you feel – God is simply bigger.  He’s bigger than what’s happening with Audrey, He’s bigger than the fear Satan tries to fill my mind with, He’s bigger than Bethany’s bad dreams and He’s bigger than the mountains that loom out my windows.  And when I think about how Big He really is, how small I really am and how much He loves even me – everything feels like it’s going to be ok.

Today was hard, but because of how big my God is, how beautiful the sunshine will be and how precious my baby girls are, tomorrow will be better.  It just simply has to be.

My sweet girls, you are beautiful.  Your beauty is unique to each of you but it’s captivating, the sparkle in your eyes, the rainbows of colour in your hair and the joy in your smile leaves the world breathless.

As you grow and your beauty develops I pray that you become more to the world than the beauty on the outside.  We live in a time when women are told that their physical attributes, the “beauty” on the outside, is all that makes them beautiful – that’s a lie.  We read magazines that have pictures of women who aren’t real, who get up in the morning looking “normal”, but after 3 hours of hair and make up, 6 hours under intense lights and the scrutiny of a photographer’s great talent and 15 minutes under the scalpel of the photo editor – look like something no one will ever become, the dangerous definition of “perfect”.

We are told “this is beautiful, you should starve yourself to look like this.  Pay someone to cut into your already God made perfect body to fill it full of gel and chemicals because that will make you really beautiful” and far too often we believe them.  Then when all those things still don’t make us feel perfect in the eyes of the world we are defeated, we are destroyed.  They’re lying, it’s not true and trust me, you are so much more than the beauty that is skin deep.

When the world sees you, may they see more than beauty.  When someone is asked to describe you may they see the you that lives on the inside…

- May they find the strength that comes with a woman who know’s herself.  That comes with a strong relationship with God and a self esteem that is standing on a rock.

- May they find the compassion that you both posses.  As I watch you nurture your babies, or see you cry when your friend is hurt I see the amazing compassion within you both and all the places that compassion will take you.

- May they find the purity of your innocence.  I know as the years pass and you grow your innocence will slowly slip away, it’s all part of growing up.  But I pray that you hold on to some of it, because it’s beautiful in itself.  There’s no judgement in innocence, no criticism in your voice and no disdain in your eyes.  May that always be your soul.

- May the world hear the value in your words.  You are important, your words are important and may you always have the strength to speak your mind.  Choose your words wisely, our words are powerful tools and can hurt as much as they can help, so be careful.

- May they see the courage it takes to be different.  When the teenage years come, and peer pressure takes hold may you always have the courage to be you.  Anyone can be a follower, copying someone else is easy that’s why they call it cheating.  Being a leader is courageous, it’s a priveledge and it’s a responsibility.  Remember that you are setting the example for those around you, make sure you set one you’ll be proud of.

- May they laugh with the uniqueness of your spirit.  God’s given you a sense of humour and it’s wonderful.  Don’t let go of the ability to laugh, life get’s serious all too quickly – remember that laughter will one day keep you sane.

When the world looks at you my sweet girls may they find in you all the things I do.  May they find the strength, compassion and innocence that I see.  May they be captivated by your words, respect the courage it takes to be you and have the honour of hearing your laughter.  When the world looks at you may they see that God makes all things beautiful, all things lovely, all things perfect and you are no exception to that rule.  When the world looks at you may they see so very much more than your beauty.

The move from a little bed to a big girl bed meant that the baby stage was officially over.  She will always be my baby, much like her rapidly growing big sister will always be my baby, but as these stages pass sometimes I feel a little sad.  Maybe it’s not sad that I feel, maybe it’s nostalgic.  They grow so fast. *sigh*

Anyways, she finally made the decision it was time to make the move, so we went shopping.  She chose a bed set, we bought sheets, we hunted down the right mattress and then we were ready.  Daddy was at work and I decided it was time to assemble the bed…

I am a carpenter’s daughter.  My Dad has built many beautiful homes, treasures and gifts over the years and I’ve not be oblivious to the things he does.  I know what a scroll saw is, and the purpose of a jigsaw, I know how to read a blueprint (sort of ish) and that rainscreen isn’t something you put over your windows to keep out rain.  I know the difference between a hammer and a screw driver (don’t ask me if it’s a Phillips or a Robertson, or a John Deere – I know which end goes in the screw…) and I’m pretty confident in my abilities to read directions.

I’m also stubborn and I was going to build this bed by myself.  The end.

Audrey and I set to work hauling out the heavy pieces and reading the mostly non-english instructions.  There was dropping of things, hunting for parts and maybe a little inner cursing when I dropped the headboard on my head, for the 3 time.  It took 1.5 hours (because we had to search for missing dowels), a whole lot of sweat, some blisters (Dear man who invented the Allen Key – you are a jerk) and then a whole heck of a lot of vaccumming, because once you move one piece of furniture and clean, you might as well move & clean behind it all.

Then we were done and this happened….

All of a sudden I had two big girls, in two big beds and I forgot about being sad.  They were happy and settled and it was good.

However, I am extremely picky about the slippers I wear.  They have to fit my feet properly, not be too hot (no sheep skin slippers for this sweaty girl), but not be so flimsy that my toes freeze.  They also have to survive the abuse I put them through.  Due to the fact that I wear them all the time, often my slippers end up outside (on my feet), running into the garage for potatoes or covered in whatever I’m baking that day.  I’m not exactly slipper gentle.

So when I was recently given the opportunity to try out the new Nature’s Sleep slippers with Memory Foam I jumped on it!  Trying new slippers is right up my alley, but make no mistake I was going to give ‘em a run for their money.

When I first put on my Open Toed Terry Slippers I was a little worried.  I have flat feet, which means they roll in a bit and often times shoes/slippers with support are uncomfortable – these felt like that might be the case.   But I carried on, I figured I needed to give them a good try before I could decide if they worked or not and I was pleasantly surprised with what I found.

After about 3 minutes of wearing the slippers they felt like they got softer, my feet felt more comfortable and pretty soon I was in love.   I’ve been wearing them non-stop ever since and it’s official – they are winners!

The slippers all have a rubber bottom – perfect for the high demands of an Ashley Stone slipper, unisex sizing and come in both open or closed toe designs.  They retail for $35, in my opinion are well worth every penny and you can purchase them here.

As I perused around the Nature’s Sleep website I also discovered that they sell Memory foam mattresses and pillows.  I was excited, and while we haven’t yet tried one of their mattresses it may happen sometime in the near future.  Corey has a bad back and often times wakes up sore and stiff, we’ve had a memory foam on our bed for the past 6 years and while it’s worked ok it’s starting to wear out.  Sometime soon we’ll be looking to replace it and when we do we’ll be headed here to look.

Now here’s the best part of this review.  I get to share a pair with one of you!  The great people over at Nature’s Sleep are going to give one of you the opportunity to win your own pair of Nature’s Sleep Slippers!

Then, if that weren’t enough they are also offering all of my great readers a 50% off coupon to use on any purchase from the website.  Just enter BEARS50 when you check out to redeem your coupon!

This contest is open to residents of Canada and the United States and will close May 10th 2012.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

 Our Family Stone is excited to have been given the opportunity to review the Nature’s Sleep products. All opinions expressed are honest and my/our own and have NOT been influenced in any way.

I heard a song this past weekend that I can’t believe I’ve never heard.  I thought it was just a “fluke” when I stumbled across it on iTunes, but as I listened to the lyrics and tears filled my eyes I don’t think it was a fluke at all.  Nothing ever is really, is it?

As the words of “Bless the Broken Road” filled the living room, I was overwhelmed with the journey it took to bring Corey and I together.  Memories of the road I travelled before our roads crossed flashed through my mind, it was such a long time ago and such a long road.

“Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way, into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That lead me straight to you “

The teenage years spent alone on Friday nights, believing with a certainty that was unshakable then that I would spend my life alone came to mind.  The tears I cried, the countless times I asked my Mom “Will anyone ever love me?” and the hours she spent on her knees praying for the man she knew God was preparing.  I had no idea then, as I lay in my bed begging God for love that His answer wasn’t going to be “No” it was simply, “Wait”.

I drifted forward in time to the men I did date.  The ones I so desperately wanted to love me and the ones that convinced me that if I was someone else they would.   I remember with the sadness of mistakes past, the choices I made in those years I wish I could take back, the things I wish I’d kept to myself just a little longer.

And then I landed in the 2 years before we met, to a time when there was a man in my life.  One I thought I may have married in spite of the fact that I spent more hours crying over the pain that relationship caused than I ever did laughing.  To the nights where I’d lay awake begging God for something more, listing off the “if onlys” and dreaming of who I really wanted to love me.  I wasn’t really walking by His side back then, it’s too hard to ignore your sins when your holding the hand of your Father, so I chose to step away.  Little did I know, He just kept walking softly at my side, wiping my tears.

As I played the song over and over, Corey who’d been outside with the girls came to the door.  One look in his eyes and my tears fell – I had forgotten how grateful I am for who he is.  How unbelievably thankful I am that my Mom prayed all those many nights, that God walked by my side and that as He walked by mine, He walked by Corey’s too.

It’s so easy to get consumed with our every day stuff, to let the stresses seep in between you and to let Satan point out each others faults, in an attempt to hide the goodness, to break the Godliness.  Last week Satan was winning, and I wasn’t even trying.

Then I heard the words of that song, I looked into the eyes of the man who is more than I ever dreamed of, and it all came to a stop.  I no longer heard the voice of my enemy, but that of my Father and it was loud and clear.  This is the Man I prayed for all those years ago, this is the man who loves me more than I ever dreamed I could be loved, this is the man I love back with the same fierceness and for all that I am so thankful.

Corey just smiled at my tears, hugged me tight – waiting till I let go first and then carried on.  As I watched him swing Audrey up in his arms and chase Bethany around the yard I realized, God didn’t just bless the broken roads of our past, He guided them straight on to our future.